Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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