no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
