I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
