I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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