I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize