Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
