we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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