She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
