I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
