:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
