Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
