Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I could fuck to npr.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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