I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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