he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
