What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
