I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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