K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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