I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
