I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
