Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
