dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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