How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
