yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
