highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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