then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
