2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I am morally bankrupt
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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