Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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