My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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