I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
