Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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