Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
being pregnant is like rehab
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
