I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
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i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing