with your own penis?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
