I wish you could order shots online.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there