This is not my ceiling
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out