On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...