can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
