I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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