Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
