Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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