Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
