just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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