i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
