I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize