69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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