their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
