who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
