I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
