also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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