he wants to bone in the snuggie
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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