Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need water and some morals
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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