did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
