I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
