at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
