We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
