it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
