shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize