She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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