i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
