So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
