Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
