Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
