It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
