sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
