I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
