Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
