Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
