I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
