tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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