so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
