one two three fourrrrnication!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
