I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
