My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
